WRECK & SALVAGE

Today's White Whine

I just saw a mashup/commercial for the Summer Olympics on NBC and the new Mummy movie. It has to be the worst thing I’ve seen since the trailer for Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Is NBC so desperate to attract an audience it has to pander to 11-year olds? You are the Motherfuckin’ Olympics. Here’s an idea, take that multi-million dollar tie-in money and use it on making the Opening Ceremony NOT LAME (See 1992: note absence of Celine Dion). Can we get some North Koreans to come up with some extreme synchronizations or perhaps a stadium of inmates shuffling along to Thriller? And stuff a muzzle on Bob Costas or lock up whoever writes his overly poetic voiceovers. I’m imagining the pre-event video with Bob tying together China’s ancient culture and people with the sport of rhythmic dancing (extreme camera crane moves over temple roofs, etc. etc.) Which leads me to sports announcers in general. You should never hear the words “Historic” or “Classic” ten seconds after something happens just like VH1 shouldn’t be nostalgic about 2004 yet. Can’t you motherfuckers wait. Fuckkkaaarrgghh.